and this doesn't strike you as odd?

Friday, November 03, 2006

first week in the new job

Well now that I am an arch-feminist I'm going to have to dress like one.
Do I get to have a crozier? Do people kiss my ring?

I just don't know because until last week I wasn't any sort of feminist at all, so I shall ask my readership: what must I do/say/wear/think, now that I am a kind of prelate of the lasses' left, a primate - if you will (no banana jokes please I've done them all to death) of wimmin's independent thought. So independent they obviously couldn't get a woman to do it - still it's not like I'll be alone out there doing a job for which a woman was better qualified.
Suggestions or abuse cheerfully accepted...I throw this open to the pelvic floor.


  • At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Witchy-woo said…

    Before you ask us what you should wear we have to know what kind of arch-feminist job it is you're doing.

    Nanny = sensible dress and run-in-able shoes (obviously, since small children have the energy of the devil - but you already know that)

    Office = understated, sensible and yet....

    Ballroom dancer - hardly anything (if you're female) whilst you're being flung around the floor - (full dress suit if you're a bloke)

    Sales assistant = uniform

    Stripper/porn star = any uniform as long as you're taking it off so's men can 'woohoo' or 'fuck off, you're shit' at you.

    But, hey, arch-feminists like me tend to dress in whatever's comfortable for the physique.

    Jeans and tee-shirt. How does that sound?

    (Even a woman can do that....mutter mutter.....)

  • At 12:35 PM, Blogger simply wondered said…

    I thought there was only one kind of arch-feminist...and anyway as a man I'd kind of assumed my role would be a management one with hordes of sub-feminists (women) running round (which is fine cos they have sensible shoes on)to put my dicktats into operation and do the actual work, while I write memos and take credit for any achievements the women might have made.
    Nanny - no it's demeaning that they only think I'm good enough to look after children - urgh!
    Office - too important to go to an office; very sexist environment.
    Ballroom Dancer - no! it's basically porn designed to objectify and subjugate the woman, while putting her in silly positions.
    Sales Assistant - I assist no man. Can't have people coming into the shop and eyeing me up.
    Stripper/porn star - well there seems to be money in that so see my next post for a new idea 'sex by email'! Watch this space...

  • At 12:38 PM, Blogger simply wondered said…

    and what makes you think I need a uniform or a pole to get people to shout 'fuck off, you're shit' at me?
    I remember the sign outside the Flying Scotsman pub on Caledonian Road (near Kings Cross):


    Elegant, subtle and understated; no?

  • At 4:03 PM, Blogger stormy said…

    Yeah, I'm in the dark as far as the actual job, beyond the title of archfeminist..

    ps, if you are actually looking for a stripper/pole job, the PimpCentrePlus seems to be promoting them quite freely....

    (Labour Govt initiative I might add, unilateral contempt, unilateral contempt...)

  • At 10:54 PM, Blogger simply wondered said…

    I think the most telling comment anyone could make about that bunch of cat vomit is that their employment policiy seems to have been derived from a film about ex-steel workers in the buff...and even then they don't get their bits out for tha camera. Cop-out - and given the tile of the film probably infringing the trades descriptions act.

  • At 11:00 PM, Blogger simply wondered said…

    anyway, I've had my bit of being exploited by the porn industry for the senseless gratification of ... well.. fucknose, to be honest. It didn't make me rich or improve my spelling by the look of the above. hard to spell accurately when being buggered on a pole.
    not by a pole, by the way.
    my eyes were watering so much I could barely do word verification.

  • At 3:26 AM, Blogger stormy said…

    Speaking of cat (without the vomit part), what's that crack about
    "sooner or later 84% of intelligent people with a blog will either post a picture of a cat.."

    Being pro-cat myself, I see nothing wrong with posting a bit of "kitty porn". Look at that picture of Sparkle's cat on the roof, legs akimbo, nothing to the imagination...

  • At 1:48 AM, Blogger simply wondered said…

    cats bloody cats - please see my blog entry below and many of my assorted comments on anyone's blog with a cat photo - oh yes including sparkle's.

  • At 3:10 PM, Blogger stormy said…

    Tisk, tisk SW. Just when I was willing to overlook your physical handicap of being male, you foolishly declare yourself anti-cat.

    You should know already that the Feminist Master Plan includes mandatory cat companionship. Under the new regime, all anti-cat comments will be dealt with most seriously, including imprisonment. You will learn to treat women as equals, and cats as superior.

    As for your competition, whilst the winning annocomment of "Cats rock" was an excellent choice, the real winner was:

    The Cats said...
    We are coming to get you!

    I like the menace in the comment, based on truth, because the Catism Movement is spearheaded by the RadCats, and they are very militant, and to be feared.

    And just to piss you off, I think I might just do some cat blogging (because when the revolution comes, I will certainly need to show my pro-cat credentials).

  • At 5:32 PM, Blogger simply wondered said…

    tschooh... sorry, I appear to ...atchaaah... sorry err tschaaaah... oh bugger, there's a bloody cat in here...atschwahahaaaaaah

  • At 1:09 AM, Blogger stormy said…

    Aha! That didn't take long - they ARE coming to get you!

    Another thing you need to know about cats, they don't have a sense of humour (if they did, they would indeed be purrrfect creatures).

  • At 10:21 PM, Blogger simply wondered said…

    i am of the opinion they do have a sense of humour: it consist of always rubbing up against the allergic one and biting (or at least scratching) the hand that feeds...


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