and this doesn't strike you as odd?

Monday, October 30, 2006

i have been rumbled...

At last the truth can be told! A throwaway comment on one of my fave blogs, Conservative Home (see almost passim), has lead to my being outed as:

"a Tory-hating arch-feminist at work"


Now flattered as I am (caution, huge parenthesis rumbling towards the sentence) -

...for goodness’ sake, it makes me sound like Dorthy Parker – I particularly like the 'arch' bit: not good enough for me to be just any old feminist; oh no! And indeed I am shacked up with a woman, dress like a man (well, on a good day) and don't shave my legs. The only thing I could really quibble with is the last bit, given that I have barely done a day's real work in my life, preferring as I do the limp-wristed world of the arts with their wacky notions of free love and socialism....

- I have never had the front (bad, bad, pun) to call myself a feminist of any sort, but now that some Tory with a double-barrelled surname has saved me the trouble, I don't need to.

Should anyone truly without a life wish to read my entirely anodyne pap that prompted double-barrel bloke’s eureka moment, you can go to

http://www.conservativehome.co.uk/

find the bit that says

Sunday 22nd October 2006

click on

4:30pm Seats and Candidates updates:

then (still awake everyone – no talking at the back) find the link for

A-lister George Freeman selected for Mid-Norfolk


ask yourself briefly what on earth you’re doing here…remember - access the comments and try not to yawn (anodyne really is the word – for me at least - not them; in fact, the Tories on there are quite good reading - in a horrifying way; and it's good of them to keep using their mouths and keyboards to remind us just why we love them so. It was also a little shocking that one managed to click on a link - tho' as both regulars will know, in terms of throwing that particular stone, I reside in the tropical house at Kew.

Right - must dash - just off to the blogshop to get meself a new masthead!!!

(licks grubby, arch-feminist chops in expectation)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

oh lordy, lordy...

Funny Old Week Part 1
This month in the UK, is Black History Month. Nice idea and it really does raise the consciousness, particularly among the young, who are beginning to realise that just occasionally some of the people who have done good things were not ...wait for it... white. Yes, shocking thought, I know, but the old 'name me five black people who aren't athletes or entertainers' can still get us scratching our heads. However, I'm not sure everyone is totally on message: a friend learned her daughter's school will stage a day where each child will go to school dressed as a famous black person. Wonder how many of the white kids will black up? I'd go as Malcolm X (it's just a pair of specs, right - easy and cool) but I imagine my son would go as Shaka so he could take an assegai to school with impunity. If you go as Michael Jackson will you be sent home?

Funny Old Week Part 2
Hard times at every liberal's favourite country of reference, Sweden, or - to give it its full name - 'You know, it's much better in Sweden'. The new centre right (well, by swedish standards, so they probably just want slightly stiffer penalties for people who drop chewing gum on the pavement) government has lost some ministers for serious financial irregularities. One minister resigned because she hadn't paid her TV licence. Bless 'em - even their political scandals are somehow rather wholesome.

Funny Old Week Part 3
Meanwhile, back in the land that gave the world Shakespeare, one shining jewel in the TV schedules amongst the unremitting tedium of wall-to-wall soaps, reality and fly on the turd CCTV docudrivel: 'Dog Suicide Bridge' a bridge where over fifty dogs have inexplicably leapt to their death; some bastard probably made them watch Channel 5 one evening.

Monday, October 16, 2006

i know i'm stupid but...

This bloke in Pakistan is due to get married. Only he's so keen he wants to bring the day forward, so he tips up outside his true love's place and as any enthusiastic lover would, he starts shooting his gun to get her attention - we've all done it - except he's a bit unlucky and shoots her. He is understandbly a bit mis about this and shoots himself. Beloved stirs - she was only grazed - bloke doesn't - he managed to get one thing right and is extremely dead.
Just an everyday tale of a classic Romeo and Juliet de nos jours. At least he won't be breeding - tho he would be cheered to know he may be nominated for a Darwin award.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

today's piece courtesy of...

...my Chosen Life Partner. CLP came home today and managed to mention my blog without oozing utter indifference.
'I saw something that would make a great bit for your blog'
'great...'
'Can't remember what it was. Think it was about the Tories'
' ... '
CLP goes off to do something less pointless.

Make your own up. Feel free to post it for me. There might be a prize.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

piss off a muslim week

It must be!

That or little green pixies have subtly been removing non-critical bits of Jack Straw's brain without anyone noticing until (and here' s the conceit) like a game of JACK STRAWS, the whole shaky edifice collapsed into itself yesterday when they removed the bit that stops you coming up with total shite. Some may argue that this happened a while ago and I missed it because I was frothing about another piece of bizarre randomness.
So Jack has in his sweet, not-quite-looking-like-the-demon-headmaster way, very politely (I must admit that) enquired if Muslim women might not fancy just taking off those silly veil things. Maybe there is a good reason for this - let us suppose he wants to make a point about women in some 'muslim' (or even muslim) countries who are forced to wear hijab etc and cannot speak out for themselves because of the inability of the people who run their country to have a sense of humour about such things.
Maybe - and that could be the start of an interesting conversation where I would learn more about the issue than I know right now.
Or what if he wanted to suggest the start of a totally secular state and eventually disestablish the Church of England. Well that might be one way to go - if an odd way to start.

Or - oh I don't know... I just can't think of any logical reason why an allegedly sane politician (rather than a member of the conservative party - I mean I can easily hear Boris Johnson coming out with that) would have an idea that is the rough equivalent of
'Can I ask if maybe the women of this country might like to wander round without any knickers on'.
Women of the Country: 'Err no thanks (what an odd man, let's get out of here before he turns violent)'.
But Jack DID have a sensible reason for this. It's because he feels a bit odd - intimidated even - when he has to talk to a muslim woman in hijab. Fair enough, then. Bollocks to religious beliefs, bollocks to social and cultural habit, bollocks indeed to the fact that many of us must feel rather queasy coming face-to-face with Jack Straw if he isn't wearing a veil. Jack doesn't like it.

And I still can't work out why he said it. I don't understand any of it. It's not his lack of comprehension of the issue (he has plenty of muslim constituents - he must have talked about the whole veil thing with some of them), it's not the fact that he can't come up with a reason beyond not really liking it; it's not even the fact he must have known he would offend someone...

...it's the simple fact that he has asked some people to do something that there was never ever even the vaguest teensy percentage of a chance anybody would consider doing.
Ever.

That's why I think the little green fellers have been taking bits out of his brain.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

ohmigod it's in the water

The latest gem from the weird website conservative home ('please god nowhere near my home' as I fervently pray each night.)

DAVID CAMERON - THE HERO

"TV historian Andrew Roberts told yesterday of the day the Tory leader heroically plunged into the sea off the south coast of France to save him from a school of huge, stinging jellyfish." - London Evening Standard

Imagine the shock of bumping into a poisonous, slimy creature in the sea - or a jellyfish, for that matter. You won't get me swimming off Bournemouth this week.