and this doesn't strike you as odd?

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

the ideology that dare not speak its name

For lovers of political jokes I bring you...the conservative party. Now a lot of us on the left have been whingeing about dear Mr Blair and his thoroughly crap and dishonest 'Labour' (ahem) government. Yes they have lied about this and that, shot a few people who, strictly speaking, might not have done anything wrong, smiled benignly as Israel pretended they were Rambo - cum- Terminator and even cocked up the NHS computer system - still who among us can honestly hold up our hand and say we haven't blown the odd billion on a shite bit of redundant software - OK poor analogy, but you see my point. We might all have been forgiven for thinking they were the worst political party currently in Britain...if only...and this is why life is so fuckin beautiful, if only the Tories could have kept their stupid mouths shut for two minutes and not vomited some of their views on life. Just as Nasrullah's basic error of opening his mouth reminded me that the Israeli government weren't the only bunch of penis wavers in the middle east, today I am overjoyed to be reminded about the conservatives.

You remember - cuddly duffers like Boris Johnson who speak for ordinary people everywhere (ordinary well-off white people anyway), moderates like Norman Tebbit who isn't too keen on buggery and the perverts who practise it, friends of the ethnic minority (who just think 'they' would be happier 'back home'), espousers of feminism like Thatch the Mighty. They brought us Clause 27 (breaking new ground for homophobes everywhere), the poll tax (and had the grace to try it on the lab rat Scots first), the Falklands - the only war as dishonest and pointless as the scouring of Iraq for WMDs, arrested any 4 males travelling together on the A1 on the grounds they were clearly about to picket a pit, decided teachers were 'the enemy within' and shut down the whole of British industry in favour of getting on a bike and looking for work that didn't exist (and this from a former airline pilot). Ah yes we say - but they have changed - they have women (surely you saw that nice young gel in Putney) British Asians (well the odd millionaire) and that nice homosexual Matthew Parris (oops! he's left, but there are other buggers in the party and we only snigger about them behind our hands) and anyway 'could they be worse than Blair?'

Hmmmmm, I wonder.

A hint is provided by the glorious website

http://conservativehome.blogs.com/platform/2006/08/inigo_wilson_a_.html

I perked up at once at the title, imagining a quiet place, probably by the seaside, without windows or doors where the passer-by could just hear echoes like '...say what you like about apartheid it certainly kept the darkies in line...' '...damned women's libbers - they'll want the bloody vote next...' '...buggery is buggery and that's why God hates a queer...'. No such luck; it seems the conservatives in this particular home are free to mingle with real people; however they do have a charming museum of unpleasant opinions which the more optimistic of us might have hoped were extinct.

One example is the Lefty Lexicon compiled by Inigo Wilson - as someone who 'manages community affairs for a large telecoms company' (Orange) he was unwise enough to publish this (in my opinion) harmless enough selection of unfunny shite. (Unfunny and yet laughable - my favourite combination!) As it contained some stupid opinions about Palestinians and Muslims in general, you might have thought a man working in 'community affairs' would have had an inkling that some people might be offended. Oh No! Surely only humourless muslims could deem it a bit off and as they are all suicide bombers etc they can go hang (good idea, that...). Lo and behold people did get offended and complained to Orange who promptly suspended him for a nice full investigation until he can be shuffled off somewhere quietly. The Tories have made it a free speech issue and smell a muslim conspiracy against this poor innocent. Have a look at how they use their free speech and then tell me we couldn't do worse than this labour government...

3 Comments:

  • At 1:52 AM, Blogger witchy-woo said…

    The comments on that piece are pretty telling too.

    You're right - if they'd keep their mouths shut they might stand half a chance.

    Mo Mowlem for PM!

     
  • At 3:31 AM, Anonymous Violet Socks said…

    On the Inigo lexicon (I wanted to say Inigo Jones but his name's something else) I was highly amused by the person who tersely comments that he's "a bit worried" about the Islamophobia comment, and the person who tersely comments that he's "a bit concerned" about the South Africa comment. Code for "Sssshhh!! Don't you realize somebody could read this and see that we're a bunch of bigoted nutcases?"

    Interesting that the British wingnuts sound exactly like American wingnuts. The entries for "gender issues" and "racial issues" are exactly what you'd find on any American wingnut site. The game now is to pretend that conservatives are a thoroughly fair-minded lot who never ever look at a person's gender or race or creed and never have, ever, and it's just the leftists who are hung up on those things and are the true sexists/racists/whatever.

     
  • At 11:50 AM, Blogger simply wondered said…

    The problem is that you two (not alone, of course) know that - apparently some people still vote for these throwbacks (I won't call them dinosaurs in case She Who Must Be Obeyed is lurking behind a very large e-rock); shall we tell them?

     

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