and this doesn't strike you as odd?

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Happy and Glorious

It seems today is the 'official' birthday of our beloved monarch - no idea why anyone would need her to have two (birthdays) or why we have one (monarch), but, hey, she's a reasonable enough old stick and a damn fine tool of the patriarchy - and, as I am one too, (tool of patriarchy as opposed to reasonable old stick/queen) it would be a tad rough to call her on this. Enough guff - a point follows...
The Cabinet gave her a Spode teaset for her birthday.
Some questions occur to me:
1) Why the cabinet? Not the government, not the PLP, not the Prime Minister in private or official capacity, not the House of Commons, not her loyal parliament.
2) How did they know she wanted a tea-set rather than, let's say... a Vespa, a picture of her favourite corgi hang-gliding, a scale model of Ottawa, a nice selection of biscuits (maybe even specially-commissioned with choccy hob nobs, boasters or the ones I think I saw once with a layer of cadbury's caramel (may have made those up?) - any of the ones you pick up in the supermarket, think 'they look nice' then realise they're twice the price of saffron), a collector's edition of every set of Top Trumps ever made, a dozen golf balls or her grandchild's school photo in a gold frame - but hers would really be gold. Anyway...
3) Has she not got a tea set? Didn't the Sultan of Brunei give her something in Lapis Lazuli for her golden jubilee - maybe one of the cups got chipped and she hates to use a set without all the bits - but it isn't too expensive to get individual pieces replaced and even if it was a hard set to find, she could say 'I'm the Queen - do it'.
4) What was the conversation over breakfast?

Liz: Hmmm [sighs]?
Phil: What is it, love?
Liz: This cup...
Phil: What's wrong with it?
Liz: Nothing. It's just a bit ... yaknow...
Phil: Tired?
Liz: Exactly!
Phil: I could get out that 'World's Greatest Mum-in-Law' mug from Diana?
Liz: @***! [Splutters incoherently].
Phil: What about that one in Lapis Lazuli...
Liz: Vulgar!
Phil: Fair do's. Nice chap, though.
Liz: Nothing personal.

They fall silent.

Phil: Hang on! It's yer birthday in a few weeks...
Liz: It's already been, Philip for goodness sake!
Phil: No, you daft old tool of the patriarchy - the other one!
Liz: My God, Philip, that's brilliant!
Phil: Somebody get that oik Blair out of the Yank's arse and tell him you need a new teaset!
Liz: Nothing vulgar.
Phil: Spode?
Liz: Have a hobnob, darling.

Rumour has it the shadow cabinet have given her a pair of converse allstars and a gram of coke.

Monday, June 12, 2006

American Military Logic - Guantanamo Bay

Now this one HAS annoyed me.
The Camp Commander at Guantanamo responded to the suicides there by saying he regarded them as 'asymmetric warfare waged against us'. So even when they have been more than somewhat pissed off by being locked up without trial, made a teensy bit upset by being beaten and absolutely miffed by the removal of basic human rights (amply documented by Mohammed Beg - I hope he'll forgive me if that's a lousy spelling of his name - it's not like it's the worst thing anyone has done to him) in a place that is subject to no jurisdiction (the American government didn't even trust its own judiciary to play along with them on this one. They should have tried Britain; Tony 's blatant disregard of the British legal system would have come in very useful...again); in the face of all of that, if someone should succeed in killing themselves, the belief is they did it only to annoy - worse to inflict harm on - America. That's quite an ego, don't you think? Perhaps someone needs to calm down a bit.

There are apparently more than 450 detainees at Camp X ray; they have tried hunger strikes and not been heeded; when they go the whole hog, all the American system can think about is bleating in protest at what a nasty thing it is to do to poor beleaguered defender of freedom and honesty us. Is it any wonder that the US and Britain are regarded as enemy states by an awful lot of people? Voices have been raised around the EU against the fact that detainees have been driven to suicide; even some half-hearted words like 'concern' and 'regrettable' have come from the US government and I haven't heard a peep out of our current bunch of arse.
The more serious the alleged crimes of those inside Guantanamo, the more important to put them before an impartial jury, hear the evidence and decide the case. And yes I know lots of people are saying this and yes it is a statement of the bleedin obvious but it can't hurt to have one more person saying it, now can it? In the meantime the message is clear: don't any of you go killing yourselves or the US will be very annoyed indeed.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

sainsbury cheese geezer

So the chronicling of the only mildly interesting (well that's subjective of course - maybe that's putting it too strongly) continues - it's like Alan Bennett-lite. The World Cup started today (I now realise). Shopping yesterday, the friendly man serving at the cheese counter observes: 'Well you won't want to be out of the house tomorrow'.
Me: 'Why? is it going to rain?'
Both look baffled.
Ah well - off for a nice cup of tea and an early night.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

man in a t shirt

Walking down Westbourne Grove - an artery of the vile cool that is West London - I pass a man in a t-shirt advertising a brand of dog food (the t-shirt, not the man). He has no dog - not with him at any rate - and his other clothes don't suggest one who needs to raid the jumble or the bins - known brands without being ostentatious or expensive. Now that makes me wonder. It doesn't amuse or trouble me but it does make me wonder.